I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
