I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
