I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
