my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
COCAINE IS GR8
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
