whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
