If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
