I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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