Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
