my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
