remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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