i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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