You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
