apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
