peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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