well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
