can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
