dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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