i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
