you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
