what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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