i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
