I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
