We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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