Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
