I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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