It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
