I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forget how to act sober
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
