You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
