He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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