If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
