They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
