I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
