i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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