By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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