i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
