Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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