Nicole vs. Life
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
