The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
