I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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