My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
