My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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