the condom got lost in my hair
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
