The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
