wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
