At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
