i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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