When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He? As in you personified your dick?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
