This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
