I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
