i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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