I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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