If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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