i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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