He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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