"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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