Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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