Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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