another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
