I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
