so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
