ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
