So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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