We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
