Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
