My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like eating out sand paper
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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