I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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