super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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