just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
